ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i've created a new STD.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
