I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
