Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
