just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
