Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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