I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
