i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
