I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
