why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
