Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
