so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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