youre lurking in front of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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