Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
