The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
