my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
