I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
