I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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