I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
