He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize