my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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