Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
