ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
