I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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