i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
