toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
