whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
