I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
