She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
