guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
