I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
