Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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