he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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