I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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