operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
