hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
