How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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