no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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