man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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