Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
