Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
