drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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