In the future we'll all be gay
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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