My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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