i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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