Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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