i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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