is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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