Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
