I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize