Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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