and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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