eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
