omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
