I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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