She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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