Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
