Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
