i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
