fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
