I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
