see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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