he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
