Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
