It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Text me some of your sweat
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
