I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
