Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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