Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
