Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
