I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize