You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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