i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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