i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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