It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this will be a night to untag.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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