All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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