So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize