Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
