forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
