I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize