i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
