After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
